New Changes

For quite some time, I have been working on ways to relieve some stress in my life and quell the anxiety that has rattled me since being laid off. I don’t like not having a plan. I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen with the bills. I’m the kind of person that needs to have a plan and a back up plan and it seems that all that has gone out the window.

Recently, I blogged about an accident that totaled my car. And without a job and bills piling up, the stress was beginning to suffocate me.

Then, a temporary job came along. And just like all the other times that we were almost in trouble, something came along to help. Maybe not solve the problem entirely, but enough to get us through to the next moment.

In all this chaos, I’m starting to feel a strange calm under the worry. The kind of calm that tells me that even though things aren’t how I planned, things will work out. It will get better. It’s been a long time since that feeling has surfaced. I’m wondering if I can keep it around.

When I was a teenager, I loved not knowing what would come next. I loved not having a plan and making last minute decisions. Worry never crossed my mind when I didn’t have enough money to fill up my gas tank. I don’t ever expect to get back to that feeling, but I would like to remind myself that the worrying is pointless. It only hinders the attempt to achieve a goal.

We do what we can do. We try our best. We may not always get the turnout we are looking for, but we keep moving and we keep working. Everything is temporary. Everything is always changing. If you let worrying slow you down, you’ll never get where you’re going.

 

I Give Up

Love is a funny thing. Some people jump in with both feet. They are more than satisfied not knowing what will happen. Some people wade in slowly, testing the waters and then easing in a little bit at a time as their comfort grows. 

Me? I swan dive. Face first. Every time. Sometimes that water can be pretty shallow and I wind up nursing my injuries. But other times, the water is so deep, you wish you could hold your breath forever. And just as quickly as I dove in, I can jump back out if the temperature changes.

When I have a job, I’m absorbed. I do everything I can picking up tasks the second the first is finished. I find things to do that no one knew needed to be done. I organize. I clean up. Then I try to make things easier or better. And if I work from home, I am a slave to the “one more minute” theory. It’ll just take me one more minute to finish this email. Two hours later, I’m still working. 

Books. I devoured books as a kid. Then there was a long stretch of time where I didn’t read at all. I like to refer to this as the zombie-parenting era. In the past few years, I’ve picked them up again. My bookshelves are overflowing. My husband is complaining. Thankfully, he bought me an ereader or I would start stashing them in any open space. 

This is me. I get addicted. I obsess. 

The good news is…I know it. 

We try to hide the characteristics we don’t like. We deny them. We don’t let them come out. But I find that the more I discover about myself, the more I have to find a way to like that quality. Somewhere along the line I stopped trying to fight my personality and now I work with it. I no longer try to change everything, I embrace it.

There is only so much you can change. There are certain aspects of ourselves that are simply rooted in our personality. Figure them out. Learn about yourself. And then see the positive. 

If you are told to build a cabinet, it’s easy if you have wood, nails and a  hammer. But if all you are given is some dinner plates and a hot glue gun, you’re going to have to figure out a new plan. 

MacGyver did it. So can you. 

 

 

Hooray for Monday?

I realize that usually everyone hates Mondays. I’m generally one of them. 

But, this week, I can’t wait for Monday. I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for Monday.

Why? What spurred this moment of insanity?

A JOB.

A real, “get dressed nice and go to the office” job. Thanks to a call from a temp agency, I have a new opportunity for the next few weeks. They called last week with an opportunity at a nearby company. One that I had been applying to for the last few months. The company is being bought by another and is in need of a few extra hands to make some changes to their system. After a quick group interview last week, I was approved to start work tomorrow. 

It feels weird. I’m overly excited about it. I already have my outfit picked out. 

I am so thrilled to get to work that I already have these grand plans in my head that I’ll be their star employee and want to hire me for a permanent position. 

Too ambitious? 

Who cares? I’m going to work. And I’m going to work my butt off. Then I shall report back to the Twitterverse to report my success. 

Having a job is something we have all taken for granted at one point or another. Those days when you felt you were beaten down, defeated or just too exhausted. The times that you spent well over 40 hours toiling away even when you weren’t getting paid for it. Even the times that you simply did not feel like getting up in the morning.

But, for those of us who have been searching endlessly for a job and submitting resume after resume only to get another rejection form letter in our email boxes, Monday seems like a pretty good day. 

 

 

Brewing a Storm

Recently, I started writing something I didn’t expect to write. I was thinking and my thoughts seemed like an nightmarish movie playing in my head. I wanted to get rid of it so I did what I do to cleanse my thinking palate, I put it on paper….well, sort of. My thoughts poured out out of my fingertips, furiously typing to drain the storm cloud over my head. When I finished, I had what seemed like a few pages of a good idea for a book. 

Rainstorm Over the Sea by John Constable

I tucked it away in my documents folder for another rainy day. It’s been a few weeks and lately I’ve been feeling anxious to work on it. More ideas have been stirring on how to shape it and where it will all lead. The inspiration is brewing, but what I really need is another storm.

Every day brings different emotions in varying depths. Whether I’m up or down or pensive or dreamy shapes how my writing develops. However, never have I intentionally looked for a dark mood to come to create an intensive writing environment. This week will be my trial. In the past few years, I’ve made it a habit to wake up deciding to be happy. So, this week, I’ll decide to be sad. Sad and morbid with my heart heavy.

It’s a path I haven’t taken before, but I’m interested to see its effects on my project and my life. It should be a strange week, but hopefully a productive one.

I’d love some advice from other writers on how you “get in the mood” to write darker pieces.

I Bet You Think This Blog is About You

We all want to be happy, right? Even the most miserable, self-pitying rogue just wants to have a good day.  I think we can all admit to that. 

With that said, I’d like to file a complaint…with the complainers.  When you spend your time defiling others, whining about what’s gone wrong in your life and basically lamenting endlessly, you will never be satisfied in life.  It is the truth and I’m sorry, but the truth might hurt today. 

Let’s first clarify the difference between complaining and explaining your situation.  It’s completely acceptable to ask friends for advice or bend their ear a bit when you are feeling down.  When you have a great support system, they don’t ever mind being there to help pick you up when you’re down.  I must confess, I have some intangible quality that often gives people the capability to tell me their secrets and woes quite freely.  To be clear, I love this about myself.  I will gladly provide advice or just a shoulder to cry on to any of my friends, or even complete strangers, no matter what the problem.  It gives me a sense of pride to know that I have helped someone I care about improve their outlook.  And for those of you that read this that qualify as one of these people, I adore you all and will always be here to listen.

However, those of you that can only pick apart every aspect of your life need much more assistance than I can provide.  To you, when it’s sunny out, it’s too hot.  When it’s raining, it’s too wet.  When someone brings you flowers, they are the wrong kind.  Murphy’s law is your daily motto.  When you go on Facebook you say what a lousy day you had.  If you see your friends, you tell them your job is horrendous.  You are probably to blame for the insensitive comments at the bottom of web articles that pick apart whomever the piece is about.  None of this is ever going to get you what you want.   

If you want to get out of that rut you are in, you are going to have to make big changes.  You have to start your day finding something good to notice.  It doesn’t matter how big or small it is.  Wear your favorite shirt.  Eat your favorite breakfast.  As the day goes on, find the good around you.  Compliment someone’s outfit.  Read a page of jokes instead of the news.  Listen to your favorite music to put you in a good mood, maybe some Carly Simon. 😉  Instead of publicly announcing your dissatisfaction with everything, be public about your appreciation.  If you can put the negative aside, you will be more likely to appreciate the positive.  And for the times that you need to talk about the negative, find a trusted friend to listen.  Having a one-on-one conversation can provide stress relief and the sense that things are not as awful as they seem.  Don’t forget to return the favor when they need someone, too.

Even when things seem abysmal, finding a silver lining is going to be the first step to turning it all around.  We all have bad days.  No one has a perfectly happy life.  I am not June Cleaver and I never will be.  And that is not a complaint.  I like my imperfect life.  And I am much better off appreciating what I have than whining about another pile of dishes to wash.

So, if you think this blog is about you…maybe it’s time to make some changes.

Another Year Older?

It was 33 years ago today that I was born.  And 32 birthdays have come and gone and I’ve realized that while maybe I didn’t appreciate them all, I certainly do now.  Maybe I was a skeptic from the very beginning…

Is it really necessary to celebrate every birthday with cake and presents and lots of people?  Or is it better just to enjoy the day like it is any other and not think about being a year older?  If you have kids of your own, it might be easier to see why celebrating a birthday is special.  If you don’t, I think I can give you a few reasons.  I look at my kids and think how grateful I am to have them.  Their birthdays mean the world to me because it’s another year gone by that I have gotten to spend watching them learn more, do more, live more.

For me, it’s also a reason for our family to get together and see each other.  Our large family means we see each other at least once a month to celebrate a birthday.  If it wasn’t for birthdays, I don’t know that we would get together more often than just holidays.  I credit a large part of my happiness to the fact that I have a close family and I try to keep it that way.

Most importantly, it’s another year gone by that you’ve gained a little wisdom (hopefully), a little experience, and maybe something great has happened.  Maybe looking back on the past times in your life will inspire you to do something new in the next year.  Your birthday doesn’t have to be just another number.  It should be about you, your life from birth…

through childhood…

through adulthood.  We all experience good and bad things, but if we can take the lessons we learn and move on, we can consider ourselves successful in life.  You shouldn’t try to measure your happiness on a number or what job you hold.  We can’t turn back the clock to relive the ease of being ten years old, or the fun of being 21 again.  Finding the joy in your birthday is looking back fondly on what you did, but being able to look forward to what is to come. 

If Only He Knew

As school approaches and I ready my son for fifth grade, I think back to what life was like when I was in fifth grade.  The social realm really started to open up that year.  Liking boys and walking to the local Burger King with friends were top priority.  Cliques started to develop.  What you wore and how you looked started to be much more important than it ever had before.

I look my son and think, if only I could tell him.  His sweet, kind demeanor may be in for a shock this year.  I have already noticed the difference in the friends he hangs out with in the neighborhood.  We recently moved to a new home in January and he still feels a bit conflicted about which kids he wants to call friends.  It seems to me that he expects his “friends” to never say a bad word and be constantly knocking on the door for him to come out and play.  But, it doesn’t work that way, I tell him.

Sometimes they will say things to be hurtful.  Other days, you’ll be picked first to be on their football team.  I try to explain that so many friends will come and go over the years.  The best you can do is enjoy the fun and try not to take too much to heart.  Having a conversation with a 10 year old requires a short delivery if you want their full attention.  If only I could tell him all the great things I look back on now, and that I’ve forgotten the bad things. 

If only he knew all the things that I know now.  But then how would he ever learn it for himself?

Just Breathe…

Today is one of those days where my mind is all over the place.  I took my son to get new glasses at the eye doctor this morning.  Dropped a wad of cash there because eyeglasses are not cheap.  Then came home thinking I need to check my bank account, write in my blog, clean up the dishes, decide what to make for dinner and oh, I want to start a new book.  And I can’t forget that tonight is the night my son has his weekly guitar lesson and while he’s there I will dash over to Target to pick up anything I need in a half hour or less.  So, while thinking of all these things, I’m letting the dog out and the neighbor’s german shepherd jumps the fence…again…and proceeds to chase my dog around while she’s trying to pee.  Really?  Again?  I get annoyed when the kids knock on the door when I’m in the bathroom, but this is crossing some sort of private time rule here.  Besides the fact that she has to go outside to begin with.  Then my dog is inside barking like a maniac while I’m trying to shoo the other one back to her yard, but instead she’s trying to mark her territory in every corner of my yard.  Did I mention my 3 year old is trying to take a nap?

Anyway, I digress, of course, because my mind is being pulled in a million different directions and I can’t stay focused on one little thing long enough to complete a thought and what I really need to do is…just breathe.  I just need to be still for a minute and take a few deep breaths.  Aaah.  It’s amazing what the simple act of concentrated breathing can do for you.  The minute stress is starting to weigh heavy, my muscles tighten, my breath becomes short and shallow and I can actually feel my blood pressure rising.  But, when I just take a minute to breathe a few lasting, deep breaths, I can feel it start to melt away.  My focus comes back and I can tackle one issue at a time.  The worry that is building a wall, brick by brick, is slowly being taken down.  The world is not ending.  I close my eyes and picture a comforting place to be.  The beach always works.  The ebb and flow of the waves soothes my mind.  I picture a cool breeze brushing across my cheek as I dig my toes into the sand.

 

Taking just a few moments to stop and breathe deeply can reset how your brain is reacting to stress.  Stressful situations are everywhere.  When the kids are running around the house, work is piling up on your desk, or you are stuck in traffic, you feel like it’s going to ruin your whole day.  Take a few deep breathes.  Rationalize the situation.  It’s not the end of the world.  The kids are having fun, the work will eventually get done and you will ultimately get to where you are going.  There are things in life you can’t control, but you can control yourself.  If you do not enjoy feeling like tearing your hair out, then maybe you should try this. 

Just don’t go to your happy place when you are in traffic.  Eyes on the road, please!  

All’s Fair in Love and Exes

It may be that my iPod hit too many Alanis Morrisette songs the other day, or maybe it was one of those mushy quotes that I read on Twitter.  Either way, I thought it would be theraputic to let go of some old ex-boyfriend baggage and look for the lessons I’ve learned from them.  In my journey of making my life right, I’ve continually reaffirmed my happiness by counting my blessings.  So, I decided the ill wills that may have laid dormant in the back of my mind needed to be cleaned out.  The more I pondered it, the more I realized each one held some valuable lessons whether it was a good or bad relationship.  In order to protect the innocent, and guilty, I’ll simply number them in chronological order with just a first initial.  No names will be shared…lucky for them.

#1-J:  Dating should be fun

Being friends after a break up is possible

Never “re-date” after a break up

#2-S:  Don’t stay in a relationship just to have a relationship

Know when you are done and end it

Being respectful of someone’s family counts

#3-J:  Listen to your instincts

Consider your friends’ advice

Friends who care will show it when it counts

#4-J:  Communication is key

Anger is not worth holding on to

Two wrongs don’t make a right

Be yourself

#5-M:  Know who you are

Stand up for yourself

An argument is okay, a fight is not

Music can be a therapist

Spirituality can be healing

You deserve better than you think

#6-R:  Some people deserve better than you

Don’t be suspicious of being treated well

Learn to recognize when someone genuinely cares

Trust is precious

Never say never (see boyfriend #1)

#7-M:  Soulmates exist

Timing is everything

Fight for what you want

Broken hearts will eventually mend (even if it takes years)

#8-T:  Fun doesn’t equal serious relationship

Figure out what you want from the other person and TELL THEM

Never return to bad habits

#9-M:  Trust is necessary

Even though you might grow up, it doesn’t mean they will

Have faith in yourself and your strength

Children change everything

No one ever said dating was easy.  I never assumed it.  I just never thought that the day I got married would be the day I could shake off all those old feelings and pack them away.  We are approaching our fifth anniversary in October and I’m glad that I have finally realized that the lessons I have learned from the past have guided me into a truly happy marriage.  I wouldn’t trade any of the heartache I experienced because it made me who I am today.

 

I Hate Exercise

It’s true.  I totally hate exercising.  It’s exhausting.  It makes my body hurt.  After I’m done, I have to sit down for 20 minutes to let the endorphins settle.  I can’t even eat afterwards or else I’ll feel sick.  Yet, I just keep doing it…

In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned how I had some health issues in the beginning of the year.  Well, as part of making “my life right”, this is something I needed to work on.  Sometime around March, I decided to take back my health and start exercising and being more careful of how I eat.  Ever since, I have been working out at least 5 times a week.  I started with a nice easy yoga workout that I found on my cable on demand menu.  When I started to feel like my muscles were holding up, I added a Jillian Michaels workout once or twice a week.  I try to fit in a bike ride or a walk whenever I can.  Additionally, I make more trips up and down the stairs on purpose for an extra benefit. 

With no particular weight goal in mind, I started losing the pounds that have still lingered three years after having my daughter.  Twenty pounds later, I’m feeling healthier and stronger.  Most days I have more energy, but on the days that I don’t, I don’t feel so bad about being lazy because I work so hard the rest of the week. 

So, what’s the point, you ask.  If I can do it, anyone can do it.  I despise turning on the TV and working out.  I dread having the sore muscles and losing a half hour of my day so that I can collapse in a heap of sweat.  I finally found workouts that I can tolerate.  My body is under my control again.  The pounds have started disappearing and I feel better about my health and about the way I look.  More confidence = feeling even better.  And because of the daily endorphin rush, I’m happier.  Happier even though I’m doing something that I don’t want to do.  Weird, right?

This month, I’m adding Tae Bo workouts….look out!