For years growing up, I wondered how I would figure out who I am. What do I want? Why am I the way I am? I tend to live my life on the edge of my emotions. They swallow me up and swirl me around until the next emotion comes along. It’s like traveling by tornado after tornado. The pounding hail of anger. The spinning winds of elation. The soaking rains of sadness. They fill me up; they tear me down.
I’ve finally learned to embrace this quality. Some people go through life hiding their feelings. Denying what makes them who they are to put on a mask and appear different to the faces looking back at them. I go through life hanging on to every moment. I’m influenced by every experience. For all the fun, love, hardships and heartache I’ve been through, I’ve held on to it all and let it steer my steps to my future. The good and the bad have special places in my soul where they linger swimmingly and occasionally rise to the surface.
I’m not outrageous. I’m not dramatic.
However, I am empathetic. I’m impulsive. I’m unapologetic. I like this about me. I feel like I’m experiencing life even if I’m not traipsing from country to country backpacking. I savor any food or drink I consume. I leave movies feeling like I could have played one of the characters. Every song has a meaning to me, some deeper than others. If you ask for advice, you’ll get my honest opinion. Not one that’s walked over eggshells first. Don’t worry, I’m considerate of others’ feelings. I even put myself in your place best as I can before giving my two cents. Some may think I’m odd, or intrusive, or even naive, but my experiences are what they are because other people’s experiences were meshed with mine. I’m just as interested in others as I am my own life.
The best part is, for everything I look back on in my past, I look on it fondly. Even the lowest of the lows. It’s what has shaped me. What has helped me get to this point today. If I had denied myself the pleasure of passionate feelings, no matter how blissful or dismal, I may not have seen the lessons.
What’s the point of the oversharing today? Don’t just live your life…love it. And if you don’t love it…change it, find a way. It’s the only one you’ve got.