I remember when I looked forward to writing. I’d sneak it in whenever I could…in random notebooks, on various Word documents scattered in my laptop, even on PostIts.
But I haven’t actually written much of anything in a very long time. I’ve let work consume me, and in turn, forgotten what I was actually working towards.
I miss it. My brain misses it. My heart misses it. And whether or not someone out there is going to read it, I have come to the conclusion that I need to force myself to find the time for it.
To be continued…
Aside from the holidays dragging me kicking and screaming from my laptop, I’m having a hard time staying focused on blogging. Why? Because your blog is killing my creativity.
I currently have 83 blogs listed in my favorites. I’m following another 30-some from my BlogSpot page.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ ALL OF THESE AND STILL WRITE ON MY OWN?!!?!
So, I’ve devised a plan. You can all stop being so witty and interesting and I will get on with my life. Mmmkay?
No? Ok, then listen…I have a Plan B. I will promise to read your blogs when I can and you can be satisfied with knowing that I love it. There’s too many of you. I could probably spend hours reading your posts, clicking all your pages and buttons. Not to mention, it’s very humbling to read other people’s blogs and find yourself laughing out loud or completely wrapped up in a display of gorgeous photos. It makes you wonder “what is so special about my blog?”
In a way, I suppose, it’s encouraging me to write differently and learn how to stand out from what I’m reading. So, you might be helping to make me better…bully for you. I’m still a little mad at you, though. My eagerness to read your blog is constantly whispering in my ear, “oh, just go look at that one. It’ll only be one.”
And I say, “You lie! You know you will find more links, more pages, more wonderful little tidbits to read for ‘one more minute’. Then I’ll be sitting here wondering why there’s still so much laundry and the dishes aren’t done.”
So, stop it. Stop being clever. Stop being so awesome. Just stop it all!
Then I can continue my writing and get on with this as a career. You do want me to work, don’t you?
I’m sorry it’s been so long since I visited you. I really have missed you, but I have something to confess. We have had some wonderful times these past few months. You have made me grow in ways that I never imagined I could. I have found there is a voice in me that has been dying to break out for years. You have provided me with so much support that even my friends and complete strangers can look to you to see the newness in me.
It pains me to tell you this. I’ve been cheating on you. It’s a new relationship and I didn’t plan for it to happen. One day I was surfing the interwebs when I saw a new page and my heart fluttered. It was so unexpected. I thought “How can I do this?” But, I did it anyway. And I have to say, I’m not sorry…I don’t regret it one bit.
I’ve started a new blog and it’s completely different from you. It’s caters to the parent in me. The woman who wants to give advice and help others. It has such wonderful potential, how could I say no?
I think it’s only fair that you know who it is: http://allaboutmomsense.blogspot.com/
Please don’t be mad. I know it’s not what we planned, but I still love you dearly. You will always be my first and that is something truly meaningful to me. And as long as you’ll have me, I’d like to still continue our relationship. I know it’s not entirely conventional, but I think we can manage. I will continue to give you the attention I have in the past as best I can. You open doors for me that this new page could never do on its own.
I want you to know how important you are to me. Please don’t think that my love for you has diminished because it can only keep growing as I continue to visit and fill your pages. It may be difficult to keep up with, but I know we can work it out.
When I clean out my fridge, I consider it serious business. It takes me all afternoon. I inspect every expiration date, every piece of questionable produce and any food container that holds unidentifiable leftovers. Everything is removed and the shelves are completely wiped clean. Before restocking, I exchange old baking soda boxes for new ones. That’s right…keepin’ it fresh.
So, the past few days, I’ve taken the same approach to cleaning up my head. I’m removing all those old ideas I had about who I am and how I want to write. I’m wiping away all the grit and grime that has muddled up the person that I always have been. All the worries, the bothersome guilt and the ridiculous idea that I have to be someone’s cookie cutter version of a professional have been scrubbed away.
In the past week, I have discovered a plethora of women out there who are doing what they love and making no apologies. They are reading, writing, blogging and saying whatever they want. They are raw and brilliant and funny. Some are silly, some are sweet and some swear like truck drivers and I am loving every one of them. They are a true testament to the fact that I can be myself and not worry about the judgements that others will make.
This is because there are people out there that will love you or like you or hate you. And no matter what you try to be, or try to say, you can never…I repeat NEVER, make them all happy. You can only hope that the ones who will like or love you will find you and they will be there to enjoy what you have to offer. And if you can find some of those people on your own, you’ll start to see the domino effect of how they can lead to more people.
And when you’re done…grab a couple boxes of Arm N Hammer, you know, to keep it fresh.