The Madness of Mushiness

I’m feeling unnaturally thankful today.  I thought it would be good to put it in print so I can read it on those days when people are driving me nuts and everything feels like it’s going wrong.  If you are reading this, you are human (well, hopefully) and know what those days are like. 

I spent a week spinning with vertigo.  It’s almost gone, except for when I go to bed and turn over, but I am so grateful to not have that feeling walking around.  It forces me to sit still and not do anything…at all.  I was bored and anxious because I couldn’t get anything done.  My kids need me.  My husband needs me.  Being out of commission is not an option.  And frankly, I like being needed.  I feel like my strength has been renewed and life is good again.  I almost enjoyed the household chores…almost….really close to enjoyed.

My son had some issues the past couple weeks with a few kids in the neighborhood.  I was glad to find out they were not singling him out, but disappointed that there are a few bullies in our midst.  What I found out is that my son, at 10 years old and a bit softhearted, is sometimes more mature than I give him credit for.  I am so thankful he can actually listen to our advice and learn how to deal with situations like this.  He is thoughtful, intelligent, creative and I am incredulous at what an amazing person he is becoming.  I can’t imagine what life would be like without him.

As for my 3 year old girl, she is stubborn, mouthy and too smart for her own good.  We have recently been struggling to potty train her.  The problem is, she can go, has gone and knows when she has to go, yet she refuses.  She thinks it’s funny when she’s scolded.  She screams like a howler monkey.  She’s beautiful, intelligent and she challenges me in every way.  I honestly don’t know how I am so lucky to have these two children in my life.  Looking at them makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. 

My husband is ridiculously perfect for me.  He is the exact opposite of me and keeps me balanced.  Our house, that we moved into this year, is more than I could have hoped for our family.  And even though I am still without a steady job, I am truly hopeful that I can find something that will satisfy my thirst for writing.  I have met so many people on Twitter that I can’t even keep up with their greatness.  Let’s not forget the family that has given me, and helped to mold and support, the modest and wonderful life that I have.

I don’t know why I’m getting those extra thankful feelings today, but I’m going to hold on to them tight.  They are filling me up like morning coffee fueling the caffeine rush.  Ok, so this post is mushy, but I wrote it for my own selfish purposes AND for you to read and be able to count your own blessings.  No matter how big or small your reasons for being thankful, take a minute and think about them.  They might even help you put a smile on your face for the day.

If you’re feeling thankful, feel free to comment and let me know what is making you smile today. 😉

Advertisements

So What If I’m Neurotic? It’s Totally Normal!

All last week I was neglecting my laptop for a little thing called vertigo.  A ridiculous illness that seems to visit me two or three times a year since I had my daughter 3 years ago.  For an entire week, I was unable to do my normal daily activities around the house such as cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc.  Any walking at all was a huge effort, but utterly hilarious to onlookers as I walked like I had just downed a bottle of tequila.  Needless to say, the things that I do didn’t get done and chores piled up all over the place.  In addition, my anxiety about it piled up as the days passed.

Today, however, the clouds parted and the dizzy haze was gone.  So, what was the first thing I did?  I made a list.  I love lists.  My mind runs a million thoughts a minute and for me to remember every task at hand is virtually impossible.  I am too easily sidetracked.  Washing the dishes, I see a food container and remember I wanted to clean up the fridge.  Or I’m putting away clothes when I realize I wanted to fix something in one of the kids’ rooms.  I stop at the computer to check my email and end up reading that blog I forgot about.  By the end of the day, the dishes are half washed, the fridge still have leftovers that could walk to the trash on their own and someone is still waiting for my reply to that email from last week.   

When I make a list, I feel like order is restored to a stressful situation.  If I go shopping, I make a list.  Christmas is coming?  Everyone needs a list of what they want.  Different projects to tackle?  Make a list.  Chores to do?  You get the idea.  I feverishly scribbled every little thing that needed to get done.  Vacuum, laundry, wash the dishes, so on and so forth.  My irritation started to subside once I sat down and looked over each item.  I take specific care to write down each item no matter how small.  Even though the list is long, I am more encouraged with every chore I cross off.  Yes, I cross them off as they are done.  (Insert point and laugh here.)  Water the plants, empty the dishwasher, wrap a gift….check, check and check. 

Maybe I have a little OCD…or maybe I have a lot.  My lists are my little lifesavers.  Calming me from the onslaught of too much to do and never enough time to do it.  I have loads of little notebooks around so I can make a list anywhere, even in purses in case I think of something while I’m out.  

Stop worrying…I recycle!

I love my lists and I don’t care who knows it.  I am addicted to order and organization and my lists are the glue that holds my sanity together.  I don’t care if it’s neurotic!  It’s totally normal! 

You make lists, too!  Right? 

RIGHT?! 

A Battle of Words: Me vs. Me

In this corner, we have Me, a thirty-three year old wife and mother, weighing in at too inexperienced and half past a young age.

In the other corner, we have Me, a thirty-three year old woman, weighing in at one smart mouth with an itchy writing hand. 

This fight has been going on for near a year now.  The two separate Me’s can’t seem to agree.  The first one feels like a woman struggling to get out of her old skin and slough off the dead skin that’s only been constricting her creativity and imagination.  The second feels like the new skin is already broken through, glowing and smooth.  I am in some in-between stage trying to get somewhere, but without a proper map.

Here’s my current fight with myself.  Where did my vocabulary go?  I am reading books and blogs remembering all these  descriptive and extraordinary ten dollar words that I loved learning as a kid in school.  I know what they mean.  I know how to use them…so why am I not using them?  I may not need to inundate my blog and articles with impressive words, but writing gives me every reason to use them to create pieces that make you want to read more. 

I guess when they say “if you don’t use it, you lose it” that goes for your vocabulary, too.  Spending your day with a three year old limits your expressions.  My ten year old is more appreciative because he will ask if I use a word he doesn’t know.  Then my husband comes home and conversations like “What’s for dinner?” and “What time is the game on?” ensue.  Watching the Phillies doesn’t exactly induce statements like “The altitudinous trajectory of that home run was impressive, indeed.” 

Apparently, I’ve let myself forget those beautiful words I used to know so well.  I miss words like “undulate” and “pejorative”.  Part of my reason for getting back into writing was because I enjoy it and this is part of why I do.  The English language is full of colorful words that not only tell a story when put together properly, but they also help the author paint the appropriate picture if chosen advertently. 

The wife and mother Me is feeling like she’s been scolded by the coach for not making enough uppercuts.

The independent woman Me feels like she didn’t keep her hands up enough to protect from the head shots. 

This round gave me a good shot to the gut to get me to pay attention.  Even if you haven’t been in the ring for a long time, you still need to stay in shape.   You never know when you might be called out to compete again.

Little Boys Lost

I generally try to avoid the news because all too often, it’s too depressing.  I might skim over a news site to educate myself on what’s going on in the world, but I don’t read every article or sit through an hour of the news on television.  We are all aware there has been an overwhelming number of suicides being publicized recently.  While I usually try to stick to topics that are not so saddening, I think these kids need their voices to be heard since they can’t speak for themselves anymore.

Asher Brown

My heart aches for these parents.  I imagine they have spent many hours wondering what they could have done differently.  Endless tears shed for the boys they will never see again.  These victims need to be remembered.  Look at their young faces.  Remember their names.  Think about what you can do to be there for your loved ones, so that they don’t fall prey to the same fate. 

 

Billy Lucas

As parents, we want the best for our kids, but we don’t always have the answers. What we can do is try our best to create an open and honest relationship with them.  Talk to them, support them and most importantly, accept them.  Accept them for who they are and what they want to be.  Support their decisions and provide guidance when they need it.  These children are ending their lives over what other people think about them.  They are dying because they had been pushed so far down by others that they couldn’t bear to live another day and put up with it.  How does this happen?!

Seth Walsh

I don’t know what happened to these kids.  I don’t know if they told their friends, parents, or any adult that may have been able to help; I don’t even know if they received any help at all; What I do know is, whatever happened, it wasn’t enough to keep them on this earth.

Tyler Clementi
Raymond Chase

 

Please, get involved.  Remember these faces and use them as an example that we have to listen AND act to help our kids and our friends and our students.  Make our kids aware that they have a support system.  Let them know that they have a voice.  Most importantly, help them understand that they are wonderful no matter who they are.  If we cannot get rid of the bullies in this world, than we can arm our children with the confidence to be proud of who they are and the ability to stay strong.