In this corner, we have Me, a thirty-three year old wife and mother, weighing in at too inexperienced and half past a young age.
In the other corner, we have Me, a thirty-three year old woman, weighing in at one smart mouth with an itchy writing hand.
This fight has been going on for near a year now. The two separate Me’s can’t seem to agree. The first one feels like a woman struggling to get out of her old skin and slough off the dead skin that’s only been constricting her creativity and imagination. The second feels like the new skin is already broken through, glowing and smooth. I am in some in-between stage trying to get somewhere, but without a proper map.
Here’s my current fight with myself. Where did my vocabulary go? I am reading books and blogs remembering all these descriptive and extraordinary ten dollar words that I loved learning as a kid in school. I know what they mean. I know how to use them…so why am I not using them? I may not need to inundate my blog and articles with impressive words, but writing gives me every reason to use them to create pieces that make you want to read more.
I guess when they say “if you don’t use it, you lose it” that goes for your vocabulary, too. Spending your day with a three year old limits your expressions. My ten year old is more appreciative because he will ask if I use a word he doesn’t know. Then my husband comes home and conversations like “What’s for dinner?” and “What time is the game on?” ensue. Watching the Phillies doesn’t exactly induce statements like “The altitudinous trajectory of that home run was impressive, indeed.”
Apparently, I’ve let myself forget those beautiful words I used to know so well. I miss words like “undulate” and “pejorative”. Part of my reason for getting back into writing was because I enjoy it and this is part of why I do. The English language is full of colorful words that not only tell a story when put together properly, but they also help the author paint the appropriate picture if chosen advertently.
The wife and mother Me is feeling like she’s been scolded by the coach for not making enough uppercuts.
The independent woman Me feels like she didn’t keep her hands up enough to protect from the head shots.
This round gave me a good shot to the gut to get me to pay attention. Even if you haven’t been in the ring for a long time, you still need to stay in shape. You never know when you might be called out to compete again.