When I was in school, we had this writing exercise to do. I can’t remember what class it was because I think it may have been in middle school, long before my Creative Writing class. We were given ten minutes to just write. Don’t plan it. Don’t think about it. Just write. Whatever is in your head, let it spill out onto the paper. Don’t worry about what you are saying. Forget grammar.
So, I was in the mood. I needed to do something different. I recalled this little exercise and I wrote. Well, I typed. I typed for 10 minutes. It isn’t very long. I paused a few times…I’m out of practice.
And this is what came of it. I didn’t edit because if I had done it with pen and paper as it should have been, I wouldn’t have done so:
When I watch a movie or show that has to do with art, artists or any art related topic, it goads me to inspiration. But, I don’t always know what to do with that inspiration. Ideas are suddenly bubbling in my brain and it stews, but it doesn’t always produce something useful. Unfortunately, I enjoy the random creative thoughts more than the organized sensible ones most of the time. I have this vision in my head of me having a room in the house where I spend creative time. I paint, draw, write, craft. I take photos or organize the ones I have. Grand waves of the things I could be doing with my time undulate in front of me. My arms reach out to orchestrate the projects in front of me. And yet, I’m not sure why I never get started. I feel like maybe I’m in limbo by being unemployed. The thought of not having a steady paycheck is jarring to me. It’s an earthquake that occasionally shakes me into reality. These ideas, these dreams…they will never come to fruition without money. I mean, where are we without money? We need money to live, eat, survive. I need the security of a scheduled paycheck to be sure that I can do the things that I want to do. Why do I feel like I have to suffer for the paycheck to enjoy my free time? Will I ever find a happy medium? Is there even a slight possibility that I will find a way to support my family and still love what I do. Still feel the passion for my work and wake up every morning excited about what comes next?