Unapologetic

For years growing up, I wondered how I would figure out who I am.  What do I want?  Why am I the way I am?  I tend to live my life on the edge of my emotions.  They swallow me up and swirl me around until the next emotion comes along.  It’s like traveling by tornado after tornado.  The pounding hail of anger.  The spinning winds of elation.  The soaking rains of sadness.  They fill me up; they tear me down.

I’ve finally learned to embrace this quality. Some people go through life hiding their feelings.  Denying what makes them who they are to put on a mask and appear different to the faces looking back at them.  I go through life hanging on to every moment.  I’m influenced by every experience.  For all the fun, love, hardships and heartache I’ve been through, I’ve held on to it all and let it steer my steps to my future.  The good and the bad have special places in my soul where they linger swimmingly and occasionally rise to the surface.        

I’m not outrageous.  I’m not dramatic.  

However, I am empathetic.  I’m impulsive.  I’m unapologetic.  I like this about me.  I feel like I’m experiencing life even if I’m not traipsing from country to country backpacking.  I savor any food or drink I consume.  I leave movies feeling like I could have played one of the characters.  Every song has a meaning to me, some deeper than others.  If you ask for advice, you’ll get my honest opinion.  Not one that’s walked over eggshells first.  Don’t worry, I’m considerate of others’ feelings.  I even put myself in your place best as I can before giving my two cents.  Some may think I’m odd, or intrusive, or even naive, but my experiences are what they are because other people’s experiences were meshed with mine.  I’m just as interested in others as I am my own life.  

The best part is, for everything I look back on in my past, I look on it fondly.  Even the lowest of the lows.  It’s what has shaped me.  What has helped me get to this point today.  If I had denied myself the pleasure of passionate feelings, no matter how blissful or dismal, I may not have seen the lessons.

What’s the point of the oversharing today?  Don’t just live your life…love it.  And if you don’t love it…change it, find a way.  It’s the only one you’ve got.

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6 thoughts on “Unapologetic

    1. Thanks! I’m such a jinx when it comes to buying things. You know I even have my son grab things off of shelves when he’s with me so that I don’t get the broken one. I swear it makes a difference!

  1. I relate to this in so many ways, though it’s often difficult for me to look into my past and feel good about it! haha. I really respect someone who can do that and learn from it as well. So no regrets? As we get older are we expected to have no regrets and just be happy that they made us stronger? Are we less of a an adult if we hang on to the past and regret a book full of mistakes? ha. I’m definitely the latter on that one. Oh well. Good post!

    Megan

    1. Are there times I look back and say “I wish I had known this” or “I wish I had done that instead”? Absolutely. But, I never allow myself to dwell on it, and I wouldn’t change what I have done given the chance…so, I’d wholeheartedly say no regrets. At all. I don’t think it’s easy for everyone to be that accepting and let’s face it, some people probably do have solid regrets that have deeply affected them. I think our mistakes are as important as our success. I would never say someone is less of a person for hanging on to the past. We should hang on to it. I think what helps us is knowing that what’s done is done and it can’t be changed. We can use our experience to make better decisions going forward. 😉

      Thanks for posting such a thoughtful reply!

  2. This was a great post, Christine. Very honest, very raw. I believe empathy is one of the most critical attributes a person can contain; it drives how we treat others more then we realize. I took a lot away from this. For a long time I went around hiding my feelings. I’m a guy; I’m not allowed to be upset, right? I have to go with the flow and adapt, right? Well, you know what, that isn’t how it works. And although I do believe we all must move on, I also believe we have to grieve the bad hands we’ve been dealt. It’s what directed me to my new path. Now, having the awesome outlet that is my blog, I hide nothing. Writing is beyond therapeutic; it’s an entire entity that, for me, helps define my existance.

    1. It’s been almost a year since I started mine and I couldn’t agree more. I’ve paid more attention to my life. I’ve learned about myself. Very well said. And I’m glad you are finding yourself in yours. I have really enjoyed reading it!

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